I May Just Live To Regret This

I pop on the computer tonight and figured I will check MySpace like so many other pathetic and lost souls out there. I see the notification that I have a new message. Oh joy….someone loves me. I see one of three ex-girlfriends I have as friends sent me a message. I click the message and skim it fast. It looks like some of crazy spam in broken Engrish. Then I read it again. It makes a little more sense but it’s still confusing as hell. It seems that my ex, whom I have communicated with maybe 6 times in the past year, has a jealous/pissed other half. This message came from that other half….

Why the fuck are you and my ex- fiancee chatting secretively online? And why the fuck do you have a picture of her in your albums with the caption “…one of my biggest crushes in H.S.? H.S. was over a long time ago– grow the fuck up and get over it. You don’t know me. I don’t play geeky whiteboy games. If you have something to say to me and if you have any balls, ask your new love Erin and she will give you contact info so we could meet face to face. BITCH!

Yup…..my one picture of this girl does have that caption so I know he can read. I have pictures of a few former girlfriends so it really is no huge scandal but at this point I’m fucking fuming. I reply….

Merry Christmas to you too.

No wonder I am loved so damn much. Last week or so I posted two funny videos on MySpace and she commented in a message back about how funny they were. Is this the shit that sends this man off into a tirade? He then sends me yet another touching message that reads….

Fuck you, you video game playing, star trek watching geek faggot.

Now my first issues with this is that my profile clearly says…”Calling me a geek is actually a compliment”. So is he trying to apologize now? Hmmmmm. My second issue is that fact that is I was a faggot I wouldn’t be taking the time to write all these sweet messages to his girl all secretively…wait….let me correct his spelling….secretively. So my natural response is this…

You act as if those names are going to really hurt me or the threats you made will fill me with an odd sense of fear. I really wish I had time to visit with you when you come to State College tomorrow night. You seem like a real nice chap with whom I could really get along with. Certainly seems we have the same taste in women.

Ok….maybe I should of held back a little toward the end but you only live once. It actually took a bit of time for him to respond this time around. By the looks of things it took most of that time to find the Caps Lock button. He thought this would be a good message to send me….

sO, WHERE SHOULD I AND YOU’RE WHORE MEET YOU TOMORROW?

Thats if u have any balls. Or did she suck them off?

Look….he has a little pet name for her. Kind of a bad choice if you ask me. I ponder his offer for a matter of moments and fire this message off…

We can meet at that gay bar you frequent when she is out of town. It’s just an idea….let me know.

Let me know when you think I have crossed the line because I can never tell. Something tells me that he might not deal with his sexuality being questioned nearly as well as I did. As soon as he figures out how to bold I am sure I’ll get a response.

He Couldn’t Help That It Was In His Jeans

Today my wife and I were chatting over lunch and she did one of those moves where you suddenly remember you want to tell someone something very important and the words come out so fast they all get jammed up in your mouth. I must of said the word penis and the light bulb above her head came to a dull flicker. She told me a coworker was having a problem with her son. This woman found a notebook in her son’s room and it had random penis drawings scattered throughout it. For anyone who has seen Superbad you automatically have an amusing reaction. Combine that with my already perverted matter I found it damn funny. Then add on the fact the kid is 16 and I damn near lost it. I explained to my wife how the Superbad DVDs at various retail stores came with extra goodies like stickers or a fake McLovin ID. She figured it was something from the movie but I hadn't heard of a fake notebook being an exclusive at any store. I was then tasked with the job of finding out more about this notebook on the internet. I can tell you that when you Google the phrase penis drawings you never even come close to clicking the image search link. I was about to post about this odd problem on the DVD forum I go to but luckily I was spared the embarrassment. I found a post on some random blog via Google where some girl was so happy she bought a Superbad notebook at Hot Topic. Weird thing was she was happy about it and had never seen the movie. So here was have a mother who couldn't tell that the notebook with Superbad’s logo stamped across it and it had the character’s name from the movie scribbled on it. Her son must not fall far from the perceivable tree because he paid ten bucks for gay red notebook with cocks scattered over the pages. I wonder if they ever have brainstorms in that house or just a couple of drips.

I Need Fricking Laser Beams

don’t really have rage issues. I just have low tolerance for certain things/people and I am forced to face these things/people way too often. With friends I may not be perfect but I am relatively kind. The one exception is when a friend crosses me or screws me over. my defense system kicks in and my main weapon is pretty much a combination of verbal abuse and sarcasm. It’s like a combo platter from hell. Yesterday I reached the end of my rope with a friend. Calling her wasn’t an option so I had to resort to text messages for the time being. I started off with a few snide messages but apparently she so fucking oblivious that I need to kick it up a level. I’m not really worried about upsetting her since I really want to have nothing to do with her now. From here on out my goal is just to emotionally cripple her. I know this makes me sound like a real prick to those random folks out there but I’m a little out of practice when it comes to being a true friend. I really don’t interact with my four real friends so I’ve become a little off my game. Since it seems I can’t make or keep new friends I sure as hell home these four people will still put up with me.

On a lighter note I just found out about this video below….

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x59WTDNBcb4

It seems the artist in the video was sued by Square Enix for stealing images and storylines from their Final Fantasy movie. Seems like a stupid lawsuit until I watched the video. Looks like someone was feeling rather uncreative and really dug the animated movie. The artist claimed the music video was a parody. It clearly isn’t. Then the artist claimed she tried to get the rights but couldn't find the contact info for Square, which is a huge company. That’s like me walking out of Wal-Mart on my DVD run tonight without paying for them and then when the alarms go off I tell them I couldn't find the registers to pay for them. She knew her “original idea” for this video would never fly and now it’s a matter of her lawyers trying to bullshit other lawyers. Shame the video won’t be made available anywhere because it’s kind of cool….good thing I already own Final Fantasy: Advent Children so I can pretty much see it whenever I want.

The Consuming Black Friday Gloom

So many people just seem to go out of their minds around the holiday season. I really think the trigger is Black Friday. Even if you don’t shop I think that somehow the madness of the day infects you. It’s like secondhand smoke that way. From that day until a few days after New Years the whole country is more than a little off their game. I have to say that last December was probably one of the top 3 worst fucking months I have ever had the displeasure of living to see. Someone took a Jenga piece from the very bottom of my tower it took way past 12/31 to build that son of a bitch back up to where it should of been. Really have to say this December isn’t feeling much better at times. It’s hard to get into the season knowing how well last year went. I’d rather be a bear and just sleep until spring when people are fucking normal again.

To make my life worse the one main distraction I have, my XBOX 360, died a few days ago. The coffin to ship it back is on its way here. Thank god my Wii is here to provide some comfort. I have a 360 rental sitting here that I am dying to play and it seems that each day some great new content pops up on XBOX Live. What a shitty situation.