Arnold The Pig Was NOT Invited

I really want to get to the wedding part of the entry but first things first.

I went to get a haircut the other day in preparation for the wedding. The wife came along because she was in charge of the trim/hack job. I got in the chair, removed my glass, donned the little bib and awaited my fate. The hairdresser asked my wife what we were looking for. My wife said a shorter summer cut that was simple. Next thing I know this lady is flipping the pages of the hair magazines in search of a look. My wife kindly shot them all down. She then points to a poster on the wall. My wife slowly said that was kind of what she was looking for. I could her the severe doubt in her voice but it was too late. She scissors were already on their way to meet my head. The cut is super short and I’m open with that. The problem was the styling she went with for my cut. I looked like the main character from a Final Fantasy game. It was far too wild and spikey. As soon as we left the shop I made my wife take me home so I could wash my hair before we made our errands for the day.

So now for the wedding entry. I will never come out and say the wedding was populated by hillbillies. I will simply let you know the details and assume you are smart enough to piece the puzzle together. If the blog title confuses you then you need to goggle the pig’s name.

1. The reception tent was from a circus. It seems in a round about way I am now related to carny folk who were kind enough to lend out their tent. I think elephants for a merry-go-round at this thing would of made it the perfect night.

2. The groom was supposedly arriving on a tractor. This did not happen but this missing feature did not really serve to class up the event.

3. While the wedding was very casual due to it being outside, in fucking July, only one person arrive wearing overalls.

4. It seems a family member had to decline the invitation to the wedding once he heard the seating for the wedding was going to be hay bales. That was pure joy in shorts.

5. I witnessed my wife’s grandmother do a shot of Pukcer and then follow it up with a full body quiver. Later she said that she really was hoping it was going to be whiskey in the glass.

6. I met a very nice girl who goes by the nickname Moo. She was certainly attractive but did have a birthmark on the back of her leg. Perhaps that little spot reminded someone of a dairy cow’s spots.

7. A porta potty was provided for the ladies and the men mainly walked over the hill next to the tent to piss.

8. The fireworks show was stunning but I felt the finale with the ones shooting into the one corner of the tent was a tad over the top. Someone really needs to turn in this relative in for his firework smuggling before his luck gets any worse.

It really was a night to remember and I guess in the end that is what someone wants for their wedding. It sure wasn’t the type of event I would of planned but it seemed that most of the people had a good time. I am going to a party on the 18th of August and I believe Moo is going to be there. Think I should try and get to the bottom of the name?